Have you ever had a moment where your reaction surprised you?

You weren’t trying to be sharp. Or shut down. Or go cold. Or go into overdrive. Or people-please.

And then it happened anyway.

That’s restimulation.

Remember that word. 👆🏾

Restimulation is one of the most powerful concepts we teach at LJIST.

It’s what happens when something in the present reminds us of an old, unhealed hurt.

Not metaphorically. Physiologically.

Your body recognizes a familiar situation and responds with a pattern it’s relied on for survival since you were young. It can’t tell the difference between what’s happening now and what happened back then.

That’s why:

🫵🏾 A small piece of feedback can feel like an indictment

🙅🏾‍♀️ A team member’s tone can feel like disrespect

🙇🏾‍♀️ Being left out of a meeting can feel like rejection

💣 A messy process can feel like danger

Restimulation doesn’t mean you’re “too sensitive.”

It means your mind is still trying to protect you—based on data it collected when you were younger. Data it treated as “evidence for life” rather than recognizing it as unique to that experience.

But you don’t need protection from the past. It’s over.

You need to process it and release its hold on you. For good.

One participant in our most recent live workshop captured it perfectly:

“The idea of restimulation—how it points to unhealed parts of me… parts I never considered as hurts, parts I pushed down as a ‘strong Black woman.'”

Read that again.

Some hurts don’t announce themselves as pain.

Some hurts get labeled as:

“I’m fine.”

“I can handle it.”

“I don’t need anything.”

“I’ll deal with it later.”

And then later show up as leadership patterns.

Here’s a six-step process you can try the next time you notice an outsized reaction:

1. Notice: What emotions are rising in you? How is your body responding? (tightness, heat, numbness, urgency)
2. Release: How can you give yourself permission to release the old feelings without judgment, numbing them, or becoming overwhelmed by them? (crying, laughing, talking)
3. Describe: What just happened? (facts only)
4. Ask: What does this remind me of? (not to spiral, just to locate)
5. Differentiate: How is this situation different? (name three things that are similar and three things that are different)
6. Take Charge: How can I take charge of this situation? (discern one action you can take or perspective you can shift)

The second step is the one our society resists. You might resist it. You might be tempted to skip it. But the next four steps work best once you’ve honored your emotions by allowing yourself to feel them and release them (ideally with connection).

It’s harder to engage our minds when feelings are up.

That’s why the second step focuses on releasing the emotions instead of fighting them, pushing them down, trying to reason with, or regulate them.

Healing isn’t a linear process.

And the point isn’t to be calm all the time. Especially since what seems like “calm” on the surface can be numbness or avoidance underneath.

The point is becoming more authentic, more flexible, and more creative.

Because when you understand restimulation, you stop treating your reactions as a guide to action—and start treating them as bookmarks for your healing.