Do you find yourself on the “listening end” of most conversations at work or in your personal life?

Sometimes you listen as a boss because you’re expected to solve a problem or provide guidance.

Sometimes you listen as a parent because your child or children is/are trying to make sense of their world or want to share their day with you.

Sometimes you listen as a partner because your significant other leans on you for their emotional needs and doesn’t have other support.

Sometimes you listen as a sibling or a child because it’s been your family role for as long as anyone can remember and it’s expected.

Listening is a profound gift we give to others. It can transform a relationship and deepen connection like no other. I believe listening is the practice the lays the foundation for transformational change.

What’s the result?

The more you listen, the more people come to you.

The more you listen, the more resentful and exhausted you become.

The more you listen, the more being alone starts to look desirable.

The more you listen, the more hopeless you become that anyone will ever listen to you.

Where do you go to get listened to?

You may have a mentor or professional champion. But can you really show your self-doubt and confusion with them? Are you concerned they might start to mistake your need for support with being incompetent or unskilled?

Or maybe you have a trusted circle of colleagues where you can bounce ideas. But do you sometimes feel like what works for them in their situation won’t work for you or doesn’t ring authentic for how you want to approach the issue?

Perhaps you have a coach you can call for support. But do they understand the role oppression and internalized oppression are playing? Are they able to hold the systemic picture of what you’re holding or up against? Can they assist you to get at the root issues that not only meet the immediate moment but also move your thinking, skills, and leadership forward in a transformational way?

Whoever you are going to, have you started to feel like you’ve “worn out your welcome?” Perhaps they’ve begun to express frustration as they perceive you struggling in the same place or are just plain exhausted by being your “go-to” resource?

Leadership roles come with unrealistic expectations.

Too often we look to our leaders to have all the answers and leave them isolated and without sufficient support for what they are handling. Too few leaders have a confidential relationship, let alone a set of relationships or community to get listened to without judgment or unsolicited advice.

This is why the Getting Listened To workshop I led with 30 female leaders in Southern California last month was so revolutionary!

I (re)introduced our essential practice for Healing-Engaged Leadership: Constructivist Listening.👂🏽

Most of these women leaders shared they had never been listened to in this way before. They felt truly seen and connected with women who a mere 10 minutes earlier had been complete strangers. As they listened and got listened to, they heard the common threads running through each other’s stories which took the blame off themselves and busted through shame and isolation.

This is the power of Healing-Engaged Leadership!

Each woman came to understand that it’s not that we don’t want to listen to others in our lives, it’s that we want to know we will also get a turn! Too often, it’s women who do the emotional labor in our relationships, whether personal or professional. Too often, it’s expected that we will play this role and that our needs are either non-existent or unimportant. In short: the day-to-day impacts of sexism playing in our workplaces and in our homes.

The radical nature of this practice is the equal exchange of attention: you get listened to for the same amount of time that you listen to another. Imagine that! 🤯

This sharing equal time is what builds the peerness and intimacy, the foundation for trust and transformational change.

Ready to learn more?

Want to experience the profound power of getting listened to on your leadership?

Interested in bringing this profound capacity-deepening practice to your team? Let’s talk!